15 more days at home and I’ll be heading back to Santa Barbara. Not sure how I’m feeling about this. There still seems to be a lot that I have to work on myself before I feel ready to start a new semester and life.
I don’t want to lie about this, I still think about us all the time. Sometimes I’m able to shut off my emotions and not give any thoughts because it hurts just to think. It’s so powerful because it gave me a sense-of-worth, it gave me a glance into the future that I’ve been always dreaming of, but maybe he’s not the right person and right now is just not the right timing. He was the very reason I started my self-discovery path, if it wasn’t for me to want to improve and wanted to offer him more, I would never have thought about finding my authentic self. I’m grateful.
The idea of going back to the States excites me. Finally, I’m going back to the land that I want to build my future on. But I haven’t made things right yet, my relationships with my parents and grandparents, how I treat people, how to carry kindness and selflessness, how to feel, what is my purpose in life, what do I want to dedicate myself to. They’re all coming at my face like rainstorm. But I couldn’t really focus any of these if he’s on my mind.
Take control, Claire. Read. Live. Do. Love.