I feel a need to reflect on my new lifestyle and my current actions and behaviors. Am I on the right track? Am I seeing the results that I want? Am I feeling better about myself?
So far I haven’t sabotaged my body by binging like I used to, but at the same time I don’t see any progression in weight loss and feeling better about myself, yet. I feel that it’s very important for me to set an intention everyday, like a keyword to follow through the day. For example, Ahimsa has been my commitment to myself for the past few days. I promise to not commit violence to my body by overeating. The ability to feel full in my stomach is like a switch and it had been turned off for the past 6 years. After all the bullshit I did to my body, I finally found it again and turned it on, about 10 days ago, when I’m already freakin 21 years old. My question is that why am I not yet feeling better and losing weight if I don’t overeat anymore?
It takes time, Claire. Do you have any idea how long a six-year period is? It’s a little more than 2000 days. You just started 10 days ago and let’s be honest, what are you expecting? Your diet is not on point either. So let’s not be too hard on her. Don’t give up, stay on the right track. This is the truth, this is your inner awareness firing up, this is the way to finding inner peace. Remember, heal this, you can have it all.
Sometimes I keep going back into the circle asking myself WHY AM I DOING THIS? WHY DO I NEED TO MAKE SUCH A CHANGE? IS IT NECESSARY? WHAT IS THE CORE PURPOSE OF ME CHANGING THE WAY I LIVE MY LIFE, HOW I THINK AND FEEL? IS IT STILL BECAUSE OF HIM? OR IS IT TRULY FOR MY OWN WELL-BEING? I think the answer is I am making changes for myself, he was just a trigger to wake me up from the illusion. I want happiness. I want to feel good and look good and do stuffs, contribute something to the world.
Today I want to commit to Saucha, which translate into purification in English. It is important to constantly be aware of our surrounding environment and the food we put into our body. We do not want extra impurities to our minds.
Okay, it’s a good place to end today’s journal. Ciao:)