DAY SIXTEEN- Old Friends

5 more days and I’m going back to Santa Barbara. Am I ready? Will this time really be different or I will be sucked back into my old lifestyle? There are countless uncertainties, but I want to just focus on the present instead of worrying too much about the future. Life will naturally unfold when the time comes.

I want to talk about how I feel today. Intuitive eating has been working really well for me. As I take on this approach to living a happier life (rather than counting calories and not listening to inner cues), I can start seeing trivial difference in my body. My arms look leaner, my tummy doesn’t feel as turgid as before, my face started to shrink by nanometers, these are all progressions that I’m very delighted about. As much as I enjoy feeling better day by day, I have to be constantly aware of my intention until it becomes a habit of mine. Only then I can move forward on my path on healing and self-discovery.

Yesterday I went out for a gathering with my junior classmates. I had never hangout with them after graduation, or ever, to be honest. It was a new experience for me to be around so many people and we just shared our lives’ stories or recent travel events. I wasn’t really into it, probably because I didn’t get much attention. For the record, I understand that it’s totally up to me to engage in the conversation, but I held back because of my self-conscious. I was embarrassed by my flabby arms and chubby face in front of my girlfriends who have petite physiques. I didn’t want to be judged talking about nutrition and fitness while I look absolutely out-of-shape. Apart from me beating up myself so hard, I knew I have to give time for my healing process for that I just found a new way for my life to work, my way! I’m still proud of myself willing to go out, meet, and spend time with them instead of avoiding my past like I always did. Baby steps.

My mantra for the day is Santosa. 

I am lack of nothing. Everything I ever need is already within me.

 

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