I’ve been a huge procrastinator today as to writing my journal. Things are smooth. My car was dirty to the point where I took it for a wash at 10p.m.; juiced apple, chard, and ginger my room is fine; my English has some catching up to do; 6:00a.m. yoga kicked my ass; cleared out my old clothes and textbooks and lecture notes; talked to my new housemate; read a little bit of The Rules of Spirit; had a satisfying nap; did grocery shopping; called papa and talked about Yoga teacher training; had Mooncake from Lavender for dessert. Overall today is amazing:))
I don’t know whether if it’s me experiencing some disorientation coming back to the U.S. after seven weeks back home or I’m awakened. Everything feels slightly different to me. I’m more observant and conscious; I pause and slow down when talking to people and am not afraid to embarrass myself as much as before; I lose my aggressive appetite as I know that I’m not lack of anything; I constantly remind myself that no one gives a damn what I do or how I look; it’s all improvements! But I think I still need some time to adjust back to the American culture.
Met Briana at yoga this morning and we talked a little bit more than usual. Meeting and talking to new people were never my forte, but this is where I need to step out of my comfort zone and do the work. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, you just gotta do it. I know I speak fast because I always have this template of conversation behind my head so I don’t embarrass myself fucking up my English. This has to go if I want to improve.
Slow down and pause, think, then talk. Nothing worse could happen than not speaking up your authentic ideas and be boring.
CorePower Yoga is doing Teacher Training starting October. I am interested in the training, but at the same time I’m also in doubt of myself. I guess I need more time to observe myself to see if I will go back to my old state and eat my life away or I will heal and glow.
Have faith; read. I’m thefreshestclaire.