25 | Back

The day has finally come. I’m back, he’s back too. What’s gonna happen now? Am I going to crush because he is not interested anymore? Will I get upset and push people away again because he doesn’t ask me out? Yes, I absolutely still care about us. Part of me is super scared of getting back to my old self in summer. Alone, isolated, pathetic, not living at all.

Have all of the reasonings you learned over the summer accounted for nothing? Don’t pull that shit again, for fuck’s sake Claire. Grow up! I know I can be strong, just try. Practice makes you better at it. It’s okay if he doesn’t text you; it’s okay if he doesn’t ask you out; it’s okay if we end before we even get a chance to start. Everything I need will be given to me at the right time, remember aparigraha. My heart is pounding so fast right now thinking about this and scared of being sucked back into the negativity black hole. I would be lying if I said I don’t want him.

I am a different person now. I’ve awakened. I think differently. I have a belief system. I am on the right track. I want inner peace and happiness. I want to be financially independent. I feel. I care. I love. 

All of these count! Don’t diminish what you’ve achieved over the summer for him, it’s not the right thing to do. Stick with satya, the truth. One essential piece of advice to self– find your breath whenever face a situation that I don’t like, find your balance. Die, and then live again.

Went to Skyler’s CoreRestore class at 17:45, it was therapeutic. He’s got super bright and positive energy. I was feeling really down today, but everything becomes better after the class. Thank you so much Skyler:)

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