44 | Egret

School started three weeks ago and I’ve been out of balance since then. I was sucked back into my old lifestyle, it’s very obvious you can see my face starting to swell up again from all those excess food and energy that my body doesn’t require. I felt like a failure again.

I go to 6am yoga almost everyday before school; I suck in my belly unconsciously; I turn into food for comfort when I have anxiety and stress; I binge. All of these felt “normal” to me, because this is how I’ve been living for two years on my own, in Santa Barbara. When I returned home for summer 2016, I have a taste of “balanced life”. But as soon as school began, I go right back into my old familiar routine to deal with negative emotions. That is completely normal as it is easier to just follow our habits. Neurons in our brain have already carved out the pathways, why bother creating new ones? Because I don’t like my old way of living. That is not living. That is just me trying to escape from life for some reasons I don’t even know.

Humans are creatures of moderation. Overdoing or undergoing anything will not do us any good. Just like overstudying is not good for me as it pulls me away from my inner state of balance. One way to correct my overdoing is to overcorrect. I have to let go of the edge and be fearless to step into the unknown. Change up your menu; switch up a place for studying; slow down and make conversations with people; don’t eat when you’re tired, do something else; do things you’ve never done before. Make small changes, everything is okay.

Today I want to dedicate myself to finding inner balance.

No one can help, only you can save yourself Claire. Reading really helps and bring me back to my center:))

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