Yesterday I arrived in Orlando, because school hasn’t started, because阿姨’s opening-soon restaurant needs help, because I have no plan for the rest of Winter break, because I want to travel, because I want to live and do.
Today I feel a little different. I let of the idea of wanting to lose weight and achieve my ideal body image, more tuned into the present and pay more attention to how my body feels. I’m trying to follow the instruction from the book I can’t stop overeating. It’s working pretty well for me so far, but at the same time I’m also worried that I might go back to how I lived originally– self-conscious and self-absorbed EVERY SINGLE SECOND.
Being present, letting of wanting to lose weight, and stop judging give me such huge relieve. I wasn’t able to focus on task on hand, I didn’t want to study or do anything else, it seemed like my only interests were eat and work out and lose weight, so I could live the live I’ve always dreamed of. Things don’t work that way do they, took me 22 years to realized.
I helped to wipe the glass and food section, also the very dirty windows, and painted the character福 at the cashier area. When I let go, I was free and concentrated on my job. I wanted to give my best to the things I do.
No matter what, I still feel like walking on a thin thread above lava as I have doubt about being present as the solution to my eating disorder. Today has been good, tomorrow I will try harder!