Where do I belong 

Recently I keep asking myself, why does no one show interest in me. Is it because I’m not attractive, or am I the one shutting everyone out, are my thighs too thick, is my face too chubby, or is it all in my head? 

Eliesa doesn’t seem to like me much these days, should I not take it personally or should I reflect what have I done wrong to her? The energy in the house is different after he moved back in, I’m not sure if I like it or not. The mother and son sure do talk, there’s more noice and liveliness, but I feel left out. I never felt this way when there was only me, Karina or Julie, and Eliesa in the house.

I’m trying to not make any assumptions and not take anything personally. Telling myself what to do and what not to do is different from actually having to do so or not do so. It’s hard.

I haven’t lived for the past three years. I feel like a ghost just cruising through my college years in Santa Barbara because of my eating disorder. I don’t know what to do about this, to change. 

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