transition state

We learned about enzyme activity in Cell Biology today. The lecture was really interesting, and I really like our professor. She’s kind and warm like a mother, but at the same time so knowledgable and full of wit. This is going to be a good semester with her. Oh I also liked her pants, I’m going to get one from Patagonia too xoxo

She explained transition state as the molecules that have excess bonds and electrons, so it’s full of energy, super uncomfortable and unstable, that the molecule wants to get out from that state to a lower energy state as soon as possible.

What she was describing sounds like the current Claire– having excess energy and always emotionally unstable. So I just have to work through this transition state then soon I’ll become a mature young lady? When is it going to be? I am already 22 for fuck’s sake. But this is a nice way of assuring myself that everything is okay, because this is the transition state Claire, that I don’t have to be perfect.

I was super worried for today’s lab that we have to synthesize N,N-diethyl-m-toluamide, the active ingredient in the insect repellent. I almost didn’t want to go to do the experiment because of anxiety, can you believe that? But every time after finishing an experiment, I feel like I’ve improved, I’ve grown, like I can handle anything life throws at me because, trust me when I say this, Ochem lab is freakishly stressful. I enjoy doing pre-lab and post-lab though, it’s very fulfilling:)

My friend totally ruined yesterday for me when she disrespectfully ignored me. I think I’ve had enough of that. If you don’t give a damn, then I will do the same to you. Sorry but Claire takes no shit from anybody. Her negative energy was so strong that I was still feeling it this morning. I was doing that thing where I don’t want to say hi to people I know because I think people don’t like me. But Kameron took initiative and waved at me, I really appreciate that. Lola too! She walked to me after lecture and we had a really nice talk before her lab session. You guys~

I learned a quote from Buddhism today:一切皆空

Still don’t know much about the quote, but it puts me in a neutral state that I am not constantly seeking for attention or other people’s affection. It’s okay to be on my own, whatever will be, will be.



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